experimental love to true love????

Some people never find it, some only pretend, but I just want to live happily ever after every now and then.There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved... I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."

Do you believe in the quote? I do, There are lots of happenings in my life and as I encounter and surpass all those challenges, I become more mature and responsible. I noticed in myself that I have the equilibrium among all things now.. It's important, very very important. Why? Coz, it made me a better person.

I've been in a messy relationship.
For the first time in my life, nainlove ako... ewan ko.. love ba talaga yun?
I have this guy. Friend ko.. and naging boyfriend ko... nung una masaya pag magkasama.. I thought he's serious having a good and clean relationship with me but Im totally very wrong. He made me a fool looking for something I cannot ever find. At first, Im happy having a year relationship with him, were happy everytime were together and having time to talk. But when he's not around I dont even think of him.. How come in a year of relationship, I never noticed it... that Im ok if he's around and Im ok if he is not...
All of a sudden when my life became miserable, I never find him, I never beg or wish for his presence... Im puzzled why? Is it not true love and happiness that I felt when I have a relationship with him? Hmmmmmm.....

After one year of having a break with that guy, a year of minding my ownself being a WALA LANG.. walang bf, walang alam na gawin, I made up my mind!!! I have to do an experiment...

5 years ago...

There's a guy,he's a kind whom you'll not say 'no'... that's what other girls says..Kumbaga chick magnet sya.. (yun ang sabi nila),, He's a childhood friend.. marami daw syang girls na pinapaiyak.. i know him of course, kapatid lang naman sya ng bayaw ng nanay dear ko.. isang school lang kami nung high school.. isang barangay lang.. and lagi nagkukrus ang landas namin.. noon kasi kapag hapon may basketball sa barangay namin eh lahat ng tao nanonood, after the hard times working in the suba and farm syempre dapat meron ring kasiyahan ang mga tao diba.. yung mga bata naglalaro sa kalsada, hindi laro sa apoy huh.. yung mga medyo dalagita at sulterito nanonood ng liga at kumikendeng na.. and im one of them wehehehe.. yung mga matatanda Tuba ang binibira.. ganyan sa uma kung saan ako lumaki..

etong si ako nanood din nga liga kasama ko yung mga friends ko.. yung close friends ko lang.. 5 kami puro kami youngest sa pamilya.. in short magkasize yung mga sungay namin.. kaso medyo strict lang ng konti yung lola ko kaya kailangan ko dumaan ng bintana before makapagkendeng..

eh etong si mr. chick boy kuno sikat sikatan sa basketball court.. syempre yung mga friends ko nagagwapuhan sa kanya infairness.. hindi ako.. i felt na parang i hate him! the way he walk, the way he talk, the way he plays basketball, the way way way.. lahat lahat sa kanya i hate it!

Until such time na nagcollege na kami I still hate him.. everytime I see him walking with his girls.. I hate it.. naeembarass ako.. kumbaga aparang affected ako! I dont know..

Yung classmate ko sa course naging girlfriend nya sa text, and remember di lang isa sa mga classmates ko ang naging girl nya.. marami sila.. then they always ask me about him kasi magkabaranggay kami eh so they asked kung anu yung mga qualities ni guy, if he's a good husband to be? if he's a gentleman..etc etc etc/.. ang sagot ko naman, di ko alam kasi di ko sya close and i hate him...

Then nagkabf ako, yung bf ko na nabanggit ko kanina na iniwan lang ako!!....
Nung di pa kami break syempre, ok yung bonding namin ng bf ko, lagi kaming tambay sa skul, but everytime the chickboy guy passes by us he made me a stare na parang matutunaw ka.. di lang yun isang beses kundi maraming beses.. then kahit pa nasa bario kami laging seryoso yung chickboy guy.. di sya ganun ka kulit pareho ng dati..

Dumating yung araw na nawala yung tiwala ko sa sarili ko because of what happened sa bf ko at sa akin.. we broke up so nagnilaynilay muna ako.. hehehehe...
I realized, guys are just headaches.. sabi ko sa sarili ko, kung kaya ng mga lalaki ng mangloko kaya din ng mga babae of course... SO I MADE AN EXPERIMENT!!!

I WILL LOOK FOR A GUY AND MADE HIM FALL FOR ME TIL SUCH TIME NA IIWAN KO SYA AND PASASAKITAN..!!!

and the chick boy guy comes to my mind... patay sya sa akin!!

that's my plan, wala na akong tiwala sa lalake eh... masakit masaktan kya gusto ko mafeel nya kung gaano ka sakit..

At first, he told me about everything he felt for me when that tragedy that was made last year happened.. Im sort of 'ohh really? parang ayaw ko maniwala ah...'
but I gave him a chance..
I said 'yes' to him because of that experiment.

Other girls said that there are lots of them who fall for that guy and just cried, you know what I felt? I said.. I will do the revenge.. I gave my best for him to fall for me,

BUT I FAILED...

HE DID HIS BEST FOR ME TO FALL FOR HIM... aLL of the sudden I realized after a year of relationship, Im looking for him if he's not around, Im not comfortable if when I woke up in the morning there's no text from him, Ive been in a life wherein every meal time there's someone checking on me if I ate already, what's my food, hows my day, hows school, hows baby, everything.. my god!!!!!!! Im in total mess in love with him...

I told my mom about it, she said just keep on studying him.. he's open about evrything to me, about his family, about his textmates, evrything... evrything that I never felt before...

here's one very important thing...

he asked me if I told my parents about the relationship, I said I dont coz im afraid.(know my family.. theyre really against with it..)
he made a wish to me, to be open to my family... hm?????? why?
is it a requirement???, he told me that there's only one thing to find out if i love him really... IF I UNDERSTAND HIM, IF I ACCEPT HIM OF WHO HE IS, ACCEPTS HIS BAD AND GOOD ATTITUDES, AND INTrODUCE each PARENTS..

I never thought he will do it, When I went to Dawog, where his family lives, and where i lived before, he told me to go to their house but I didn't.
When his mom saw me, she told me to come with her in their house so I did. Even if Im shy, I went with her. When I reached their house, oh my god, the chick boy introduced me to his father and sisters.. Im very very scared that time coz for the first time, I felt that kind of emotion..

When I reached home, I told my mom about it, so she said, its time for me to introduce my bf to my father.. So i did, and to everyone in the family...

At first Im afraid, to think that they'll against it but my uncles and aunts told me that its ok... just to make sure everything in balanced.. between studies and realtionship... thanks to them..

Now I realized....

Life and Love is better when you are not hiding anything from your family and friends.. that its really really a good thing. I can feel the happiness from that experiment, I thought I can revenge from all the guys who are just hurting the girls but Im totally wrong..

"...happiness is the highest good, being a realization and perfect practice of virtue, which some can attain, while others have little or none of it..."